Saturday, April 30, 2005

i've never been happier in my life that the exams are over. 'cept for the As. which was not as liberating 'cos i studied for so long already, i was so jaded and numb. so the impact of the As being over didn't strike me until graduation night.

but now, just hours after my last paper, i feel happy. relieved. worried. because it was a horrid exam. i have been hushing people up tonight when they try to talk about the disastrous papers. but i know i must confront it somehow. for the first time i realised how tough it was. after just 13 weeks of learning, i'm whisked off to the exams. 13 weeks!!!!!!! and so much information was given to you and expected of you to learn, understand, memorise and apply the concepts.

it's just so much. and i hope i did my best. i know i always say this, but i'd not have gone through this whole traumatic experience without God's grace. without Him holding my hand and leading the way. sometimes i look at the amount of information i must commit to memory, it is just scary. and i try to place my focus back to God. read a daily devotional on Matthew. check mail for the online one on Exodus. read some verses to encourage and to remind myself of the good things. i'm glad i got through this. and i cannot even begin to imagine the same trauma i'll have to go through every half a year.

whoever said the As will be the worst exam experience of your life?

and you know what's my biggest grouse? i have very nice people around me who care and ask me how was the papers etc. i do appreciate their concern. but as i answer them, no matter what i say, whether it was ok, or it was real bad...they always go...so does that mean you'll get 3 As? argghhhh....i could scream. for goodness' sake i'm not that good. i'm not brilliant. i'm not the type of student who gets consistent good grades all her life. yes. everyone wants to get As. we all work towards that academic goal. and for one A levels and one semestral exams at NTU, i'm so happened to do well. yes i took up a teaching award. but that does not mean i'd get As all the time. when i had a bad paper and i tell my friends it's bad, it's really because i think it's bad. i couldn't answer well and the answers didn't automatically flow to my head because i'm just not that familiar with what i'm supposed to be familiar with. so it basically stinks when it was bad and i have to prove my case but explaining or just emphasising, it's bad. as in BAD. bad.

ok i'm over-reacting....shall stop ranting. it may be the hormones. or the stress. my hair keeps falling...i'm worried...

anyway...many people to thank. seems like an academy award acceptance speech. God of course, Sam of course, carlene, andrea, edward, renchun, champ...the SBS girls and guys whom i rant to before and after each paper in the resource room...my mum, dad, aunt...

just now went to eat XO fish slice beehoon..(direct translation from chinese) at holland V! so yummy...but very very hot....ohman...the weather is just merciless. then went to wala wala's for drinks and music and just to talk and laugh our brains out. had a wonderful time with edward, carlene and champ. later renchun joined us with newest lala fiona, followed by andrea. too bad had to go back early.. =( but really..hadn't have so much fun and laughter in so long. thanks a lot guys. then went to wayne's for a blk 36 gathering. which with alcohol equals drunken disaster. haha..ok...my blk mates and the craziest bunch of friends i have to date. but left at 12 'cos i'm so tired from the paper and the laughing.

ok..but i still stayed up to chat on the phone and then to type this...tho i'm dead tired.

just had to rant about the good bad and ugly things in my life.

This girl posted at 1:58 AM

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

grinning like a mad idiot....st. hilda's symphonic band got GOLD for this year's SYF!!! aahhhhh...i'm like so happy for them and mr. sim, my conductor! first GOLD in don't how many donkey years... 2001, my sec 4 year was a bronze...i cried... 2003 was a silver, and now 2005..its a GOLD!!

now have to cross fingers for TJ and NJ on 5th may...

recently the newspapers and forums have been talking about teachers. their work load, their struggles, their resignations etc. so many people have written into ST forum to air their views.

as a future teacher and having some experience in teaching, i've come to really believe that teaching comes as a calling. you need to be fuelled by a passion to impart knowledge, to lead the children down the right way. without it, you're just a teacher who provides your students with a broken compass. you're just there because it's a career. worst, it's just a job that you go to everyday. mundane things in your life. go into the classroom, teach whatever that is in your plans, mark whatever that is supposed to be marked. that's when you feel the burden of long hours, of hard work.

a teacher who really cares would spend 12 hours in school a day on average willingly...willing to spend her extra hours giving remedials to a weak student or to spend her lunch hour talking to her students. it can get really tiring. but in the end i would think the satisfaction that comes with it is so rewarding, you'll feel that everything that you did and went the extra mile for was worth it. when my students finally grasp concepts and cleared their doubts. when they tell me they preferred me to their new permanent teacher.... argh...i'm feeling evil tonight.

also, not everyone can teach. some people just cannot teach. i'm sure we all had teachers like that. they're good people, with good intentions. they may be even the most brilliant people in the field. but they just cannot teach! and i get very frustrated when i end up with bad teachers. ok..shall be nice.

teaching is a wonderful thing to do. i wouldn't even want to call it a career/job 'cos that will undermine its greatness. it's one-of-a-kind and shouldn't be viewed as a career...like manager of some shipping company etc. like when grissom from CSI was talking to ecklie, the supervisor from the day shift CSI team and their department head, ecklie was telling grissom to buck up on his supervisory roles (aka. admin work kinda stuff), cos u know...grissom is just not the admin sort. he's the science CSI buff.

ecklie (in a snide tone): be careful, grissom. this could cost you your career.
grissom: that's what scares me, you think of this as a career.

now blogs are so unsafe. someone may just complain me to ST and MOE and there goes my teaching award.

anyway dearest is having a bad night wrestling with a ext HDD. hope the nice things you're doing tmr will cheer you up. =)

i love this song! one of my favourite jazz numbers. It's for you!

They Can't Take That Away
George and Ira Gershwin

The way you wear your hat
The way you sip your tea
The memory of all that
No, no they can’t take that away from me

The way your smile just beams
The way you sing off key
The way you haunt my dreams
No, no they can’t take that away from me
We may never, never meet again
On the bumpy road to love
Still I’ll always, always keep the memory of
The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No, no they can’t take that away from me
No, they can’t take that away from me

We may never, never meet again
On that bumpy road to love
Still I’ll always, always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you change my life
No, no they can’t take that away from me
No, they can’t take that away from me

4 more days....

This girl posted at 12:26 AM

Friday, April 22, 2005

3 papers down...2 more to go and i'm so done with year 1...

seems like just not too long ago that i stepped into this unknown world of university. so many things have happened and so many things have changed. some for the best, some for the better, some for the not-so-good, and some for the worst.

people always say it is these changes that make life interesting and less mundane. these things that add colour to your life. to borrow an idea from clay's mother, clay writes in his book - every person is like a painting. when you come into contact with another life, that individual dabs a bit of colour onto your soul. it isn't always a colour you like, but even ugliness provides its own lessons.

so i look at my own painting. he tells me that different people look at my painting differently. with a different perspective. as i look at it and start unlocking each layer of colour. the colours are a whole array of shades. some which i love very much. some which i would very much like to erase it from my painting but i know i can't. because it's there. well yes u can cover that ugly colour with another colour ontop, hopefully some colour that is less ugly. but it's there. and there for a reason.

i know this painting is ultimately God's plan for me. and however ugly the colours are, i'm sure He meant to give me something. as i go on each day with my struggles, i think all i can do is to fix my eyes on Him and to run this race He has marked out for me. so as i examine each colour being dabbed on my painting, hopefully i can come to terms with it and in his words, be at peace with it. it's not easy...

and after being at peace with each colour, will i then cover it up with a nicer colour, like pink!

Dare to Run

the road ahead is narrow
the way is sometimes steep
and the commited claim the prize
but standing at the finish
with arms outstretched to greet us
is the One who has endured the race
and paid the final price

dare to run
with our eyes fixed on Jesus
following the footsteps
of the One who's gone before us
dare to run
in the wpoer of His Spirit
called to be victors
in a race already won
dare to run

the assembly of the faithful
surrounding yet unseen
is gathered as a witness to the race
and on the track awaiting
are the runners of today
the call has come for each to take his place

we must have our Saviour's vision
compassion for the lost
courage for the future
love at any cost

Because narrow is the gate
and difficult is the way which leads to LIFE
and there are few who find it.
Matthew 7:14

And we know that all things work together or good to those who love God
to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

This girl posted at 11:27 PM

Monday, April 18, 2005

found this while looking for rough paper to scribble my notes for studying purposes...

feeling nostalgic...

the happy people of 15/02

tallest - nishant
shortest - melody
fattest - not saying
skinniest - joan, shuwei, nishant, puneeta
sporty - catherine, burton, wendy
hazardous - joyce
the one with the asthmatic laugh - joyce
blur - caiqun
most likely to tell knock-knock and really lame jokes - catrina
most loanshark tendencies - louisa
most likely to be a chinese teacher - elain
most likely to launch into an argument during GP - estella, kahming
most likely to draw smiley/sad faces on assignments and test scripts - mr. lim ann lee (physics)
most likely to say "easy whhhaatttt" even though it was really difficult - mr. tearle cheng (chem)
most corny - ms. ng chen kee (biology) (her favourite word is huh?)
most likely to say "coorr-rriigghht" instead of correct - mr. kwan (math)
most likely to be a bus driver - mr. kwan
most likely to mispronounce words - mdm. aileen lim (GP - ironic huh.)
most likely to say weird things - tsang yew
most likely to be physically abusive during captain's ball - shuwei
longest hair - puneeta
shortest hair - burton
most hardworking subject rep - huiyan for GP
most flexible - weixiang (holds record for sit and reach)
most likely to draw stupid things on other people's papers - sim han
most likely to get married first - daphne
most likely to be spotted with new gadgets - ivan
loudest - joan, melody, me
most quiet - nishant, burton
fastest - shuwei, andi
most handy - andi
most likely to eat a lot - caiqun (girl)
most likely to ask questions - kahming, estella
neatest handwriting - catherine
most untidy handwriting - tsang yew
the one who use the lightest ink - sim han
smallest handwriting - ivan (you really need a magnifying glass)
dancing queen - daphne
most likely to get serious 'spatch defeat' (speech defect) - ms. ng
most likely to invent new words by combining them - me
the lame fairy - kahming
most likely to leave her file under the table - caiqun
the one with the loudest scream - melody
most likely to come up with the most number of mispronounced words by mdm. lim - wingyi
most likely to play chess during GP lessons - burton & ivan
most likely to reset a chess game - burton & ivan
most likely to perspire a lot - caiqun, andi, huiyan
most hardworking treasurer - louisa

i don't think we ever finished this list... compiled by me, joyce, catrina, caiqun, melody, louisa...when we were bored...

those involved..please don't take offence.. =)

those were good times.

good times.

This girl posted at 1:58 AM

Sunday, April 10, 2005

went out to celebrate jonathan's bday yesterday night...went cafe cartel at siglap followed by cheesecake cafe... had yummy blueberry cheese cake. and i laughed so much. felt good. while we were taking a group photo and laughing so hard, a thought suddenly struck me. how lucky i was to have this crazy bunch of friends whom we still keep in contact after so many years. i've known most of them for 7 years already! my dearest sec sch pals...=) looking forward to more laughter in many years to come!

came back and supposed to continue studying...but i got hooked on watching turn left turn right on cable...aarrgghh..but i watched it anyway.

i seriously need to start studying and stop blogging.

i watched tv today again....CSI vegas, CSI new york, amazing race, bits of what women want. ssiigghh... CSI new york was good! my favourite is still vegas of course. gary sinise looks like the wise guy with so much emotional baggage...plus the fact his wife died on 9/11...waiting for more emotional stuff to unfold. plus i would think he and Melina Kanakaredes need more chemistry. like grissom and catherine. overall the feel is dark. so dark with grey tones. beautiful aerial shots of manhattan. even their crime lab is so gloomy and grey. as though the city never sees daylight. maybe it's just me. but i enjoyed the first episode. learnt about the 'locked-in syndrome'. where the entire body is paralysed except the brain and the eyes. and it's so amazing because there's a section in my psychology textbook about it! plus recent adavances in neurosciences and neuropsychology, they're able to communicate just using the eyes.

ETA: i think melina kanakaredes looks like sarah jessica parker. maybe it's the wild curly hair.

hee~ looking forward to more episodes. since i'm home, i can catch it first on cable...so exciting.

i'm such a tv addict.

This girl posted at 9:36 PM

Saturday, April 09, 2005

just came back from opening night of Sound of Music...i enjoyed it. it was excellent singing. the coordination together with the orchestra was not too bad at all...considering it's opening night. dad told me it was NUS's orchestra...dunno who's the conductor. poor students like me and sam and louisa and her sis lorraine had to settle for cheaper seats which sat us at circle 3 of esplanade threatre. so cannot see the face...

i heard the oboe so many times! and i miss it so much....

heard the beautiful heavenly harp...

anyway the musical was slightly different from the film. 2 songs were new to me, and the order of songs were different. guess the film writers adapted it and didn't follow wholesale. i prefer christopher plummer (of course!). this maria is not bad too. the children are good, but maybe i grew up with the film so i tend to like it more.

oh well...someone's feeling moody and down..but i'm glad a dose of my singing made him feel better. the stress is really getting to everyone. less than a week to go. i'm very glad for this break. now is back to the books. just praying that he and the rest would cast all their anxiety and worries onto Him. to depend on Him for strength to go on this tough time.

as a tribute to sam and to God (Him being the bridge)...

Bridge Over Troubled Water

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

This girl posted at 1:30 AM

Monday, April 04, 2005

what constitues a great sunday...

- watching CSI: crime scene investigation (i wanna watch CSI: new york!!)
- followed by 2 hour episode of the amazing race (drooling as they went to johannesburg to feed lions)
- trying to start on studying
- but got distracted by the nice afternoon rain. coupled with hot cup of green tea and soothing jazz music from diana krall. decided to sit by the window in my study room and chill, while watching the rain and started to think about stuff.
- finally got the self-discipline to finish one lecture for BS107.
- in between studying had yummy chwee kueh from tiong bahru and was chatting with sister and brother-in-law about his horrid muscle tear.
- slept for half an hour on my comfy bed.
- watched bits of ms. congeniality and animal planet.
- had yummy family dinner consisting tom yum fish, chicken, kang kong with belachan, fried tofu, bean sprouts stir-fried, yong tau foo soup.
- and now blogging...ahaha

ok..that was my very slack sunday....

looking forward to a whole week of studying in school....

praying, as always, for strength and stamina. after a nice nice weekend, (thank you God for that..)...

This girl posted at 12:30 AM