a fruitful life.

Friday, July 28, 2006

yay teaching attachment is over. mixed feelings. no more waking up at 6.15am everyday and not getting enough sleep. i learnt many things. from both the positive examples and those negative ones that serve as reminder of what-i-must-not-become. attended the feedback session at MOE just now and gave a lot of thought about the current state of the education system and the people and the policies and the incompetency and the good side.

on a more optimistic note not only did i learnt many things about the current education landscape, i also made 3 new friends, learn how to be politically correct and play board games like careers, holiday, cluedo, hamburger and many more. heh. yes we brought board games to school. it was fun... =)

teaching is not as easy as it seems. sometimes i feel that people tend to under-estimate the profession, and deem it less professional and prestigious than other careers such as being a doctor or lawyer. i'm quite tired of this stereotyping actually. the amount of impact and influence that a teacher has over his/her students is soo much more significant. ahhhh oh well...

birthday celebrations have ended. it was a blast having friends family around to celebrate your coming-of-age-officially. i love throwing great parties. =) with nice food (which is the most important), great drinks cocktails and mixers, great decor of nice balloons (plus the pink flower balloons which i gave all to my friends), nice party favours which i hope my guests liked, and a yummy cake (blueberry maple cheesecake) from cedele bakery depot. thank you to everyone who turned up and many apologies if i didn't invite you because i really had too many people coming already. the number was almost 80 in total. anymore and i'll be too overwhelmed. and many thanks for sms-es and presents and your most-valuable friendships which i strive never to take for granted. love the presents. a lot.

the best present award goes to my bioscience dears who got me a study Bible. yes they had hints from me months ago, but i'm so touched they remembered. the most inappropriate present goes to the guys of WSC, who got me a talking Elmo, for babies aged 18 months old. haha i still liked it 'cos that elmo holding a flower is really cute. =) everyone else seem to know me pretty well. getting me nice clothes and shopping vouchers of my favourite stores to fuel my shopping desires. heh. thank you thank you.

part 2 of celebrations with sam was really nice. enough said. sam, thank you.

once again struck by the message during prayer meeting on monday, which is crucial as i prepare my heart for the weekend's messages and choir practices and learning what it means to sing for the Lord with all my heart and ponder over the lyrics that are so meaningful.

Let It Be Said Of Us

let it be said of us
that the Lord was our passion
and with gladness we bore
every cross we were given
that we fought the good fight
that we finished the course
knowing within us the power of the risen Lord

let the cross be our glory
and the Lord be our song
by mercy made holy
by the spirit made strong
let the cross be our glory
and the Lord be our song
till the likeness of Jesus be through us made known
let the cross be our glory
and the Lord be our song

let it be said of us
we were marked by forgiveness
we were known by our love
and delighted in meekness
we were ruled by His peace
heeding unity's call
joined as one body that Christ would be seen by all

let the cross be our glory
and the Lord be our song
by mercy made holy
by the spirit made strong
let the cross be our glory
and the Lord be our song
till the likeness of Jesus be through us made known
let the cross be our glory
and the Lord be our song

taking a break till school starts in a week's time. ahhh school. land of 6 core modules, more HSS mugging, new neighbours, long walks for dinner, challenges.

This girl posted at 7:21 PM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

watching ballet is just beautiful.

although my standards of classical ballet are so high that singapore dance theatre fell short of my expectations. blame the australian ballet company when i saw them at sydney opera house. modern ballet on the other hand was very very interesting. it allowed freedom of expression through dance and movements and costumes and music. love picnics too. =)

last day of being 20.

“That you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
- Ephesians 3:17-19

this verse really stood out for me when i was doing QT yesterday night. it was just another affirmation that God's love is really that abundant and Paul even used math now to measure that, and that His love passes all knowledge. so this becomes a great motivation to love God, just because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us and displayed his everlasting love.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
- Romans 5:8

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
- Romans 8:38-39

For i am so persuaded
neither death nor life
could ever separate us from
the love of Christ
- opening lines of anniversary song My One Aspiration

This girl posted at 12:16 PM

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine,
I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine,
I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine,
I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine,
I walk the line

- Johnny Cash's I Walk the Line

i love this song. i love the movie. joaquin phoenix and reese witherspoon were really really good. another ewan mcgregor/nicole kidman. actors who can sing! i never knew joaquin phoenix could sing. he was so good in the movie Gladiator (with russell crowe) that i hated him so much. i have always loved reese, but i thought joaquin deserved the best actor oscar rather than her getting best actress oscar. but she was good too, donning an okay-sounding southern accent and just shining in this movie. she's so pretty. =)

i watched a movie reviewer's preview of Hard Candy with sam. it opens in 2 weeks. ohman the issues brought across in the film were way too disturbing. it is psychologically disturbing. it affects men more than women. i'm not being a sexist. just watch it and you'll understand why i said that. the director is really really good considering this is his debut. he has a brilliant eye for amazing camera angles that tell the story beyond the dialogue. and i like the blur and out-of-focus shots that come into focus (much like nigella lawson's cooking shows on discovery travel and living).

school's been ok. i just finished the time traveler's wife for a 2nd time. yes i teared. i was in school with my fellow attach-ees for i couldn't cry my heart out haha or they may think i'm really strange. it's always henry's letter to clare at the end of the book that gets to me. please try to read the book if you can.

memorising anniversary songs for Bethany's anniversary can be a real challenge. not just the lyrics but the notes too. sadly this time my soprano 1 parts do not consist of just the melody. the youth choir also forms the worship team for one song while our senior choir sings the choir part and we all back up our 2 soloists. 2 choirs, a lot of people, both young and not-so-young, beautiful voices, all singing for the Lord. =)

i'm so so so glad i went for prayer meeting on monday night. 'cos i was struggling with this month's ypg messages on cultivating great faith and how to go about doing that. and prayer meeting just complemented it. and i'm glad i had teacher aileen who answered my queries about God's word, love, wisdom and faith. and i find myself reminding myself about having a gentle and quiet spirit. when people become unreasonable, when people expect me to do ridiculous things which i don't wanna do, when people piss me off, when i get PMS and start to snap at people, when i get menstrual cramps and have no access to camomille tea and still have to go to class, when people fall short of my standards or not meet deadlines, when i don't meet deadlines, when i get the urge to run away. i think about that verse in 1 Peter. i see it when i go to my blog. i'm thankful for the wonderful teachers, pastors that i have.

here's my prayer list, since it was a prayer meeting.

- bethany's 33rd anniversary
- pastor charlie's health
- unrest in middle east (israel/lebanon)
- sam's family
- tsunami victims in indonesia
- great faith

=)

This girl posted at 11:46 PM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

i love my ipod. =)

i have had the most tiring week ever. every night i sleep 5 hours. every morning i drag myself up very very reluctantly at 615am for work. i go to school and crap with my fellow attach-ees at our own special room, i read mags, books, sit on the Osim massage chair iMedic at the staff lounge and read papers. i sit in classes observing how my teacher-mentors teach biology and math (my math teacher-mentor taught in my sec school while i was there). my biology mentor is a nice lady who is a really good teacher. on friday i only have 1 period so i was so tired i fell asleep on the sofas. as in really really fall asleep. my other friend slept on soundly beside me. (good thing the doors and windows can be closed and we don't have to sit at the staff room). we all go for brunch/lunch at the canteen where food is miserable but really cheap. the most expensive dish is only $1.50. then we leave school between 2-230pm except friday.

then i go home and check emails and run errands and just rest for awhile or take a nappie before meeting some people at night. there was a homecoming party for sam and linhui with the hall ppl at settler's cafe. had boys hostel session and met sam to hear his FOC stories which are pretty horrifying. there was our CSR conference rehearsal and tech run.

i seriously need sleep.

today was our conference, which despite all things, turned out ok. heh i really prayed that the event will go well because we were plagued by sooo many problems and my poor project director was so stressed and it didn't help that i was on attachment and had a stupid social and emotional learning workshop to attend on fri afternoon till 6pm, organized by MOE.

now i get a taste of what my life is gonna be in future. i'll be in school till late. i'll have church commitments. i'll have a social life. a love life. family. school and work. workshops and things to mark. meetings and counselling students. CCA stuff to take care of. and voluntary activities too.

what's even worse is that the social and emotional learning workshop wasn't even remotely useful because it was just putting a concept that was already practised by some teachers into formal words and given a fancy name and revamped and re-marketed. but it was interesting to get to know more about the teachers in the school when we see their lighter side. we were all in groups and had discussion and we had games too! haha. some teachers are really hilarious.

CSR (corporate social responsibility) conference was an eye-opener and another of my many chances to network and get to know people from all walks of life. i've listened to many distinguished speakers talk about the CSR situation in singapore (and how dismal it is) and in the asia-pacific region and in the world. it was an inspiration but sadly i can't undertake anymore projects etc. if not i'll just crumble under all the weight.

today in church we continued talking about faith. this time, about humility. a really BIG concept but yet at the same time so humbling and small. the issue of humility vs pride. where us Christians are also harrassed by Pride itself when we live out our lives. we become judgemental and defensive and everything goes downhill from there. it's not easy. 'cos the root of Pride is Self. and it should never ever be about self.

(incidentally during CSR conference we talked about the fact that "the business of business is NOT business" and it isn't about profits and it shouldn't be all about profits. it's about being a socially reponsible organisation that cares for the less fortunate, the environment, the animals or even the homo sapiens ie. in sweatshops)

it's time to start cultivating great faith consciously. =)

This girl posted at 10:46 PM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

coldplay was sooo good my $120 tickets were worth it.

i had good seats. thanks to my first-day-of-ticket-sales-sit-in-front-of-computer-to-buy tactic which has worked for 2 sold-out concerts so far. i could see their faces and facial expression and were just as good as, if not better than the $180 standing tix/general admission.

i had crazy people beside me (sam and sayheng) who 'danced' (strangely..ahahaha) to the beat. my seat was quite useless since i was standing most of the time and dancing and just letting loose and rocking to the amazing band playing live and gawking at the beautiful set complete with fascinating visual treats. and looking at the so-handsome chris martin, which we all suspected is high on drugs/alcohol but can still be pitch-perfect and play the piano, acoustic guitar and sing his heart out with heartbreaking emotion (esp. at the heart-breaking songs. like fix you and the scientist). love the drummer and guitarists too. =)

the crowd was quite wild and could sing really well! haha. we all sang along to their hits and chris martin gladly allowed us to sing bits of the chorus while he listened to us and gave us a thumbs-up and a satisfying smile.

ohman i could really go on and on haha. i was dancing and bopping my head and with the spotlights it was soooo hot but the crowd was nice and chris martin went to the VVIP section and let people hug him! arrgghhhhhh. not fairrr. and during the song yellow big giant yellow balloons filled with gold confetti tumbled into the audience and it was such a thrill really to see the entire scene. the song reached its climax and the yellow balloons are all around and it was just amaaazing.

my sis (who was in the VVIP section) and me have reached a pact that i must try to get an exchange to the states. and if coldplay tours US, she'll fly down and we'll watch it together, regardless of which state i'm at, i'll just take a plane/bus there! heh. that's crazy but that's just how good they are live. which is tempting me now to get their live in concert dvd.

ok. so the concert has overshadowed my first day of school attachment. i shall say more next time. seriously sleep deprived.

my all-time favourite coldplay song since i first heard them.

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you i set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

good night coldplay. thank you for an amazing concert. =)

This girl posted at 12:35 AM

Sunday, July 09, 2006

these days i do a lot of catching up with friends.
and they like to ask me, sooo what have you been doing for the past 2 months?

and it hits me. my summer holidays are ending.

may and june have come and gone. july is almost over.

and when august comes it's back to school. and normally i'll quite welcome that idea because it's friends and hall and activities and the amazing new knowledge that i'm going to learn about nature and biology. but this coming semester an overload of things to do for WSC and 6 core modules and applying for exchange is going to wear me down. i predict.

finally got MOE to change my 2nd teaching subject back to chemistry. who in the world would wanna teach math? heh. at least by right i would have cleared 3 chem modules and all i need to do is clear one more during exchange or in my final year.

attachment starts on monday. which means i can't watch world cup. not that germany is playing so i'm not so upset. =) i have to do a project with my fellow scholars. about linking literature and life sciences. oh good luck to me and my project mates.

looking forward to the coldplay concert. tempted to get my hands on X&Y but i'm quite cash-poor these days.

sam's back from down under. finally. again i need to get used to him being around. never thought that day would come. but i'm really glad that God answers prayers. prayers that kept him safe and away from harm. prayers that brought him back home. prayers from me and his parents.

ok this is a boring update entry.

i'm so tired from everyday's happenings. i'm quite worried about the corporate social responsibility forum coming up on sat. but at least things are set in motion and they seem to be going on smooth. it wasn't like that a week ago, thanks to some incompetent people on our organising committee who came from some university in singapore. stuck-up and arrogant. go figure.

ok i'm mean. but they were really horrible and we had to do all the work! 'cos they ended up not doing anything they were assigned to do.

NJ band concert had a little something of everything. so i also felt a little something of everything. but overall i have to give them A for effort even though the end product wasn't as good as expected. esplanade is just too good a concert hall for a JC band lah. even one that won gold with honours at SYF. those people who mock esplanade being an ugly durian gotta eat your words because esplanade is a really really good concert hall/theatre with world-class facilities. so a not-so-good performing arts group who uses esplanade will pale in comparison because esplanade brings out the best and the worst in you. when i played with TJ band during our SYF top 5 presentation it was already very obvious to me. every single player could be heard. seriously every single one. and that is what makes it scary because we're nothing but amatuers.

but really A for effort because they were given horribly difficult pieces to play but yet they took it in their stride and presented it to their 1800-strong audience. and i know they practiced their asses off so well done. =)

ok not like anyone would care.

**spoilers for superman returns**

superman returns! was also not as good as i hoped it'd be. after all the hype and bryan singer abandoning X3 to do superman returns, naahhhh. brandon routh was a work of excellent casting. he really looks like the legendary christopher reeve. but he was a little too stiff for me. i still like christopher reeve's protrayal of that clumsy clark kent. lois lane was also ok only. kate bosworth wasn't exceptionally pretty, but margot kidder wasn't too.

plot wise...it was predictable. superman and lex fight it out over something. that something is destroyed by superman but lex is still alive. superman and lois never got together although you know they love each other. same recipe. but just a modern version of the old superman movies. with many bombastic special effects. big budget film.

many many references to the original first 2 superman movies. and after watching them on dvd again i realise just how many references there were. lots of dialogue and quirkiness and character traits were still the same. think it was an effort to enhance the continuity from the 2nd film to this. when superman returns lah. cos at the end of the 2nd movie of superman he goes off on a journey to find krypton.

anyway it makes me wonder if our technology could ever advance to such superiority in 1000 years. 'cos as superman's mum lara puts it, (when she asks Jor-El why he has chosen earth for superman to go to), "the people of earth are thousands of years behind us, they're primitives." and that's where we learn that people of krypton have dense molecular structures and thats why they're indestructible. and everything else.

i especially like this from the 1st superman movie, when Jor-El and lara bid farewell to their son when they face their destruction on krypton.

"You will travel far, my little Kal-El. But we will never leave you... even in the face of our deaths... the richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more... I bequeath you, my son.

You will carry me inside you all the days of your life.
You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine.

The son becomes the father, and the father the son.
This is all I can send you, Kal-El."

yes and that's the exact line that superman tells his son at the end of superman returns.

anyways reading First magazine hyped me up for pirates of the carribbean 2 and i just found out about this cool and interesting film called a scanner darkly. it's dark and twisted and really complicated and messy. adapted from a book whose author also wrote the books where movies like minority report and total recall were based on. so i think i'll like it too. have always liked a certain branch of science-fiction. 'cos there's this possibility that one day in the near future that it will no longer be fiction.

so watching sci-fi gets me thinking. strange.

This girl posted at 1:21 AM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

these days many things are on my mind.

APSSA (asia pacific student services association) conference concluded on friday. made friends from all over the asia pacific countries. we had discussion about team building, motivation, leadership, globalization and the role of students and student leaders and their relationship with their student affairs officers. the NUS everest team members came and talked to us about their amazing experience and showed us beautiful pictures which can be found here. we went to night safari and chen su lan methodist children's home. we got to show our beautiful country to many students and adults from other countries. on fri after the conference we brought 2 americans to orchard to do their shopping. it was quite interesting hanging out with them and showing them singapore and getting to know their country and california where they are from. UCLA to be precise. on sat i rushed down after church to maxwell to meet up with one of them and 2 other singaporeans. we ate yummy hawker food and went to walk around VCH/boat quay/fullerton/esplanade/top of swissotel/supreme court/padang.

actually we are good tour guides. =) and i'm glad my new friends enjoyed their stay. and they think singapore is lovely. haha. i hope its not just cos its being polite to say that.

yes i think dunstan is a nice guy. despite being bullied by fellow conference-ees li chuan and me, he's still a nice guy who allows us to tease him endlessly about all things. especially his sunshine. ahahaha.

without li chuan and him, i think the conference will be a total bore so i'm very very glad for them. not to mention PGP is not too bad. just the room a bit too small. but their hospitality is quite good.

was at the presentation ceremony of the Singapore Youth Awards which i babbled about in my last entry. the istana was beauutiful. and we took pictures with all the awardees. like eunice oslen ronald susilo and dr. kua harn wei. we took with guests-of-honour rear adm. teo chee hean, dr. vivian balakrishnan and teo ser luck. also with prof er, prof leo tan and wendy our dearest SAO asst. director.

pictures!

the food was from raffles hotel. really really good. i had my dinner there hahaha 'cos i ate so much of the pastries and dessert.

half of my management committee with wendy (in white dress), pearly (in red/white dress), tee hoon (2nd guy from the right) and prof Leo Tan, director of NIE and chairman of the NYAA.

us and eunice oslen. she's talllll... and really nice. that's our board on display at the reception area. it's nice. =)

me and my president and VPs. before the ceremony.

ypg has started again! and somehow the Lord works its miracles again. just as i was questioning my faith and reading Matthew in detail, the theme for this month is on faith! sometimes it really helps that i put into words what i'm feeling when i talk to pastor or tr. chen kee or aldine when we have our discussions.

and choir has started full steam preparation for anniversary. more new nice songs to learn and memorise! so exciting. there's a couple of really difficult songs for sopranos. imagine singing and holding a really really high note for 16 counts at the end of a song. it was straining on my vocal chords but i'm still able to yak. haha and listening to the senior choir esp tr. chen kee who has the loudest and most powerful voice around, it's easy to pitch and follow the difficult parts.

this song has the most meaningful lyrics. although it's not very difficult.

i will be the one!

who will make a commitment to take a stand?
i will be the one.
who will follow after Christ with no turning back?
i will be the one.
who will hear God's voice and obey His call?
i will be the one.
who will take up the cross and surrender all?
i will be the one.

i will be the one that God is looking for,
i will never be ashamed.
in the name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim-
yes, i will be the one!
yes, i will be the one

like a city on a hill, who will shine the light?
i will be the one.
in a world of darkness, who will hold it high?
i will be the one.
who will pray for revival all over the land?
i will be the one.
who will ask God to touch with His mighty hand?
i will be the one.

i will be the one that God is looking for,
i will never be ashamed.
in the name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim-
yes, i will be the one.
yes, i will be the one!

who will call our nation to holiness?
i will be the one.
who will raise up a standard of righteousness?
i will be the one.
who will trust in the Lord for the rest of their days?
i will be the one.
who will give God the glory and all of the praise?
i will be the one.

i will be the one that God is looking for,
i will never be ashamed.
in the name of the Lord i'll stand and proclaim-
yes, i will be the one!
yes, i will be the one

everything that was said in this song is what i aspire to do. everything in colours. to really follow Him and obey Him and follow His commandments and love Him and praise Him. just because He loves me unconditionally and died for me. and He has given me much grace and mercy that i sometimes do not deserve. and He sends me people along my way to help me figure out my dilemma-filled life.

i was comtemplating taking up a higher leadership position within WSC as we prepare for the next academic year. my presidents were psycho-ing me to take the job but i took a lonnngg time to really think through many things and i've seeked many people's opinion on it. i made a mental list of 'for' and 'against' and found that the 'against' outweighed the 'for'. i almost did say yes actually, after being inspired by dr. kua harn wei, a singapore youth award recipient who competes in triathlons and ironman championships and is ranked 6th in the world and has 3 masters degrees and 1 Phd from MIT in US.

here is him with us at the SYA presentation ceremony.

but... i shall not be so idealistic to say that i can achieve half of what he has. trying to do well in studies so as to secure my scholarship is one major major factor. next semester is gonna be tough because i have to get good grades for my 6 subjects because my 2nd semester exchange modules will not be counted towards my honours. ok its complicated. and having such a great responsibility means robbing time away from my studies, family, church and friends. which i am not willing to sacrifice and compromise because they are ultimately the pillars of my life. yes volunteering too. i can still volunteer with my boys at boys hostel! so that won't be missing. i would not wanna give that up anyway.

and talking to sam and tr. chen kee sealed the deal actually and allowed me to make the decision better. 'cos i have always valued their advice and opinions. tr. chen kee was relating to me her situation in work that she had to also make a decision about her future and wow it's again so amazing how God works.

ok i'm just rambling. after ypg we celebrated all the july babies and i thought i could get away but melody gave me away. so i pulled jolin in too. heh. it was good food! and auntie sally baked another fabulous cake.

more ramblings. world cup. i can't believe brazil lost. i thought my friends were bluffing me. heard they played badly. ok lah. i was so excited by the germany match i couldn't sleep till one hr later. i was sooo glad rooney was out...he has a nasty attitude.

ok. eventful days. sam is coming back soon. very soon. and that's something i've been thinking about too. it's strange because i forgot what it was like to have him around. i'm so used to him in sydney and calling him or emailing him. and asking him abt australia. not sms-ing or calling him to go out watch movie or even seeing him in school. strange right. but i'm glad he's coming back.

more meetings and meetings and an attachment and more outings with friends await. i'm quite sad if i can't watch the world cup finals at 3am if i have to teach the next day.

out.

This girl posted at 10:26 PM