a fruitful life.

Friday, April 28, 2006

advanced biochemistry wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. and it was really entirely due to God's grace. really really. and everytime just a whisper of a prayer would calm all my nerves down before the paper. and really glad that a few of us would just gather and pray as a group before entering the battleground that is freezing. even today when it was just carlene champ and me. it still made all the difference in the world.

"I cried out to You, O LORD;
And to the LORD, I made supplication…

Hear, O LORD, have mercy on me.
LORD, be my Helper.”

-Psalm 30:8-9

and i come home to check my email and find this verse in iCare, the daily meditation passages that Pastor sends to us. and i know that things i do are really in His hands and in His control. and i need Him so much more than ever as i grow through rough times in my little mundane life, which ironically to Him, is just as special as the greatest people on this earth. my little mundane life and He gives me tremendous grace and mercy!

you know it's quite strange that the things that drive me crazy when i study are all the biology right. the viruses and biochemical pathways and our body's natural defense mechanism our immune system. and it just struck me that it is He who made all of this! He made our world, He made us and ohmygoodness how could anyone be so amazing to make something as complex and intricate as the human body? it's really quite amazing at how complex our body is in every aspect. and after 6 years of biology knowledge, and 2 years more... i still haven't understood completely how our body works and functions.

oh right. because scientists still haven't figured out this huggee chunk of how this works and how that works to make this work. and how all that makes our body work! and we may have solved the mysteries of chemistry and physics and math and english language and poetry and law and business and history... our body still remains half-solved. the medical, the psychology, the biology.

so anyway end of babbling of things that make sense. i'm leaving for australia in just a little more than a week!! so exciting!! hahaha. my dear grace is doing all the planning and i'm so thankful for her 'cos me stuck with exams cannot do the whole planning and booking of stuff. but whatever happens we ARE going! the e-tickets are booked and printed, the visas are done. the insurance is done. now we're waiting accomm and itinerary then we're offff! ok excuse me for sounding so nutty. sing with me!

red and yellow and pink and green
purple and orange and blue

i can sing a rainbow
sing a rainbow
sing a rainbow too

listen with your eyes,
listen with your ears,
and sing everything you see

i can sing a rainbow,
sing a rainbow,
sing along with me

ok i'm sane. now. i have 10 lectures of bioinformatics to plow through, most of which look quite unfamiliar because i never listen in lectures. really, bioinformatics is really quite terrible. and i notice a trend! the modules with the word advanced - all horrible modules. really. advanced biochemistry. advanced cell biology. and modules that are computer-sounding are bad modules. 105 biocomputing. 210 bioinformatics. but the number is not a trend because i like 205 biostatistics.

ok i'm talking rubbish. going to colour and cut my hair first before coming home to study. oh i watched the film version of pride and prejudice! you know what. it's actually not bad as compared to the BBC version, which i still prefer. cos of colin firth haha. but this mr. darcy is matthew macfayden and he's quite handsome too!! and keira knightley surpassed my expectations. i thought she wasn't going to be good as our heroine elizabeth bennet but she came through with it. =) as always the english countryside was beautifully shot, good cinematography. the script was not bad too! considering how they condensed everything to 2 hours. so quite a good film to watch.

***

liking this song more and more as i discover the lyrics.

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

- Carrie Underwood's Jesus Take the Wheel

This girl posted at 2:32 PM

Monday, April 24, 2006

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you

We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

I picture you across the ocean
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you

We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

-Corrinne May's Same Side of the Moon

note to self: stop thinking about him!! goodness i can't believe myself. i'm such a girl.

This girl posted at 12:05 AM

Thursday, April 20, 2006

corrinne may
damien rice
kings of convenience
jamie cullum
rufus wainwright
jason mraz
carrie underwood
sheryl crow

and i wanna listen to more rascal flatts. and other country singers who are good.

and addicted to more and more episodes of House. here's the link! things that i study for immunology pops out during the show. so it's so interesting to see the things you study being applicable in real life.

immunology was.... traumatizing. at least i thought of it to be much worse. but thankfully it wasn't as bad as what my crazy brain thinks. now there there. are my T cells working? have they launched an autoimmune attack on my brain cells? i think they have. that's why i going mad. just ask carlene and sam. one loonngg distance phonecall to sydney wailing and whining and freaking out hours before my paper. and another phonecall to sydney after the paper whining about the paper. i have no more money to go australia at the rate i'm buying calling cards.

3 papers more. less than 2 weeks and i'm done.

anyway. easter was wonderful!! =) i loved it so much and so so so thankful and happy that davier and andrea came with me to easter lunch. and davier came for our concert too the night before! the concert was very very good! pastor mitch sang the part of Jesus and his sister-in-law tr. chen kee acted/sang the part of Mary, Jesus's mother. IP kenneth sang the part of Peter the disciple that denied Jesus 3 times. and a range of other characters and our choir who sang beautifully.

tears came. sometimes i wonder if there's anyone on earth who will be willing to die for my sins and transgression. for my wrongdoings and my nonsense. who is willing to be punished in my place. die in my place. a person who is without blame. a person who is pure and free of sin. i have a feeling i will break down and cry big time and be really depressed if i watch the passion of Christ again, and the dvd lays still in my hostel room. haha it's chuan lee's.

so yes after the concert and offering and benediction we all went down for supper. talked to many many people. next morning dragged myself up from bed to go to shang for rehearsal. and then it was the easter service! it was a wonderful one. many performances. a talk with SP chris about his old days. pastor preached from Ephesians 2.

the exceeding riches of His grace. =) many thoughts ran through my head. i wonder what would become of me if i hadn't had God's grace.

yup. after the service was the lunch. the performance was great! we could be heard and we sang with great joy and conviction because truly.

God's love NEVER changes.

the lunch was yummy! but as usual we were all saving space for the dessert buffet. i was ssoo fullll. i miss the mango pudding and tiramisu and orh-ni! yam paste with ginko nuts. in case u think i'm eating some kind of strange dessert. the orh-ni at shang is the best best one i've ever eaten. =) took many photos too. got quite trigger-happy. then had to drag my butt all the way home to study...

reading Romans now after Acts. Romans is so so thought-provoking, and sometimes i think Paul can be quite hard to understand haha. but Romans is one of my favourite books and the 1st few chapters are the most most meaningful. here Paul lists so many sins, it's hard to think that any person can go through life not committing one of them.

"Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all

unrighteousness,
sexual immorality,
wickedness,
covetousness,
maliciousness;
full of envy,
murder,
strife,
deceit,
evil-mindedness;
they are whisperers,
backbiters,
haters of God,
violent,
proud,
boasters,
inventors of evil things,
disobedient to parents,
undiscerning,
untrustworthy,
unloving,
unforgiving,
unmerciful;

who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them."

-Romans 1:24-32

so many so many sins. the disobedience to parents always gets to me. sometimes i get so sick with myself. especially when i know it's WRONG to sin and God does not want me to do that but YET i still do it. what's wrong with me? here goes my journey of taking that steps to ensure i consciously lead a life that is free from all these horrible sins. i shall NOT let the evil one take control. no no no no no.

*takes a step onto that long road*

and onto some 209 business before going all virology to tuesday! actually i like virology shh don't tell anyone in BS or they think i'm mad. i like to think i'd be an epidemiologist one day if i don't cut it as a teacher. =)

say hello to HIV, sars, H5N1 (and H2N3 and H1N1 or H25N90000, yes that would take antigenic shift to whole new levels).

speaking of H1N1 how many people got killed in 1918 for spanish flu ah? is it really 40 million? hope i got that question right today. that's 1 mark you know... ok a little googling and i get strange numbers from 25 million to half a billion to 40-50 million to 100 million and 500,000.

ok time to stop rambling. i wanna go australia NOW!

cheers darlin'.

This girl posted at 9:10 PM

Friday, April 14, 2006

the weekend that is filled with much reflections and dwelling on the word of God. rediscovering once again the love of God, the love of Jesus, His death on the cross, His resurrection on easter sunday. i'm reminded once again of the movie the passion of Christ. and tears that flowed. the heart that pains. the guilt of my sins. the moment where Jesus said,

"Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do."
- Luke 23:34

finished my first paper. i was really quite afraid of it. i had fear and doubts about my knowledge. i prayed a lot for wisdom and focus. which He gladly answered. however i thought i did, mistakes, careless or not, whether the answers were correct or wrong it doesn't matter now. it's in God's hands and He is in control of everything. immunology beckons. good excuse to watch House dvds because there's a whole load of immunology things that they explore. all those autoimmune diseases and antibodies that attack the wrong cells and ends up (almost) killing someone.

i'm glad God keeps me sane. i think i would have gone totally nutty. ok i'm quite nutty sometimes. times like now. how i just type a totally nonsensical and nutty email to sam. i think he thinks i'm crazy. or schizo.

did i mention i'm beginning to like the book Ephesians so much? adding it to my list of growing favourite chapters which already includes Romans, 1 John, Matthew, Acts. actually i'm learning to love the Bible a lot. i love bits and pieces here and there. because i still have not finished reading...there's so much to take in and understand!! how to read so fast? there's still Psalms, Deuteronomy, the old testement, the whole section on history, the new testement has all the letters which contain a whole wealth of knowledge!

anyway here are my favourite bits (so far!) from Ephesians.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love,"
- Ephesians 1:3-4

"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself,"
- Ephesians 1:7-9

"And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)"
- Ephesians 2:1-5

i guess these verses just sums up so nicely my thoughts this Easter, and especially reading Acts and 1 Timothy and learning how Paul was before his conversion and the Lord's exceeding mercy... i'm so encouraged this Easter.

Happy good friday everyone. hope those people whom i asked to come to church with me but cannot make it will be able to come soon. =)

those who are mugging - all my bioscience dears carlene, ed, angie, renchun, champ, sam, andrea etc. all my hall se7en dears. all my other ntu friends grace! and my wsc friends and sam's friends in cs who have terror papers in a terrible short time. just hang in there!! =)

This girl posted at 1:26 AM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Tomorrow morning when you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here

If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I'll be here

As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
I will be here

I will be here
You can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the one who gave you to me
Ooh ooh ooh
I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
'Coz I will be here
We'll be together forever
'Coz I will be here
I will be here

- Clay Aiken's I Will Be Here

suddenly, hearing this song on itunes shuffle, made me think of you.

and the past how-many-months-is-that-i-lost-count, oh it's 16 months plus.

thank you for tolerating my nonsense.

please come back soon.

This girl posted at 10:56 PM

Friday, April 07, 2006

thoughts about balance, choices, decisions, dilemmas strike me today.

and i realise it's so hard.

how can you ever find a horizontal position on a see-saw? i'm pretty sure no 2 people on this earth can balance on it without doing something extraordinary. hmmm or maybe so. according to laws of physics.

but in life how can you ever strike a balance with everything in your life?
how do you juggle all aspects of your life without having to disappoint someone/something else?
how do you find a peaceful decision when conflicts arise?
how do you decide whether to give a person the benefit of the doubt rather than decide that he/she's not worth your effort and time?
how do you know when to forgive and forget rather than let the troubles boil over and hence something that was precious and good (while it lasted) slips away?

i'm not making sense am i.

but i don't care.

how do you decide which is the truth and which is maybe not-so-true?
how do you know if someone is sincere about solving the conflict rather than doing it because it is to his/her advantage?

how hard should you hold on to an egg, such that it does not get crushed, but yet hold it tight enough so it doesn't slip away from your fingers?
how tight should you hold your dog's leash when walking him, such that he does not choke but yet he does not run away and wreck havoc in your neighbourhood (in my case hugo scares everyone that meets him)?

how do you decide whether to let him be happy and sacrifice on your own happiness?

how do you know if you have made the right choice by embarking on a journey?
how do you know if it's the right one?

how do you know if love is really all around?
how do you know if your faith is genuine?

strange to say, but this very very true saying comes from dumbledore. haha.

"ultimately, we have to make a choice between the right one and the easy one."

exams are screwing the wires of my brain up.

i'm so melodrama. a million thoughts run through my head and i couldn't concentrate.

now it's a little better.

back to the notes of biophysics. (jaume torres is so funny.)

This girl posted at 12:19 AM

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

how do you share the love of Jesus with a lonely man?
how do you tell a hungry man about the bread of life?
how do you tell a thirsty man about the living water of the Lord?
how do you tell him of His Word?

how to you tell a dying man about eternal life?
how do you tell an orphan child about the Father's love?
how do you tell a man who's poor about the wondrous riches of the Lord?
how do you tell him of His Word?

how do you tell a loveless world that God Himself is love?
how do you help a man who's down to lift His eyes above?
how do you tell a bleeding man about the healing power of the Lord?
how do you tell him of His Word?

people who know go to people who need to know Jesus
people who love go to people alone without Jesus
for there are people who need to see, people who need to love
people who need to know God's redeeming love.
people who see go to those who are blind without Jesus
and this is people to people, yes,
people to people
all sharing together God's love.

we sang this song during choir gathering last month and the words of this song just puts it in a nutshell all about evangelism and our theme for this month for Bethany. April is Gospel outreach month. ypg theme is Power to Change. and i'm so glad andrea has agreed to come for our Easter celebrations! trying to reach out to more people, but of course there's always the fear of rejection. but no! must try. try.

compassion for the lost.

This girl posted at 1:23 PM

Sunday, April 02, 2006

was, in all essence of the word, brilliant.

i couldn't stop smiling after the concert. =) =) =)

i have no time to write out every single detail that happened that made him and his concert is brilliant. the best concert i've been to ever. i was almost moved to tears by him.

and don't judge him by his worldwide hit the blower's daughter. his music classifies under folk-folk rock, joining people like aqualung, kings of convenience (i think...), sufjan stevens, a little bit of jack johnson, a little bit of amos lee, a little bit of jem. blower's daughter is beautifully sung and written in its own right. but you have to hear his other songs. the lyrics are heart-breaking, some are hilarious, and some are really vulgar. hurhur. during the concert 4-letter expletives came out once in awhile. esp when he forgot his lyrics, and yelled out a really loud F***! so funny. =)

anyway, gotta hit the books. major immunology quiz tmr. was whining to tr. chen kee about it yesterday at church. she has the exact same sentiments. it's really so fascinating but the pathways and mechanisms are really so complicated it blows your mind just trying to figure it out.

singing God's love never changes for next week's ypgII and easter lunch at shangrila! =) this beautiful song is so encouraging. i love the verse where it says God and you are never separated, and He is never far away. and He proved His love for us by doning on flesh to come to earth, and to die for our sins on the cross. and the truth that His love never changes through time. after so long. even when the world is shaken, He is still ever so faithful. =)

truly His love never ever changes.

All the world is longing
to know security
all the world is listening
trying to hear words they can believe

But there is only One voice
calling us by name
One truth we can hold on to
forever He remains the same
and i want you to know that

God's love never changes
His love never fails
when the world is shaken
we can put our faith in
knowing that His love will never change

Never separated
never far away
God alone is faithful
proving His love with the price He paid
and i want you to see that

God's love never changes
His love never fails
when the world is shaken
we can put our faith in
knowing that His love will never change

- God's Love Never Changes

This girl posted at 5:06 PM