Saturday, April 30, 2005

i've never been happier in my life that the exams are over. 'cept for the As. which was not as liberating 'cos i studied for so long already, i was so jaded and numb. so the impact of the As being over didn't strike me until graduation night.

but now, just hours after my last paper, i feel happy. relieved. worried. because it was a horrid exam. i have been hushing people up tonight when they try to talk about the disastrous papers. but i know i must confront it somehow. for the first time i realised how tough it was. after just 13 weeks of learning, i'm whisked off to the exams. 13 weeks!!!!!!! and so much information was given to you and expected of you to learn, understand, memorise and apply the concepts.

it's just so much. and i hope i did my best. i know i always say this, but i'd not have gone through this whole traumatic experience without God's grace. without Him holding my hand and leading the way. sometimes i look at the amount of information i must commit to memory, it is just scary. and i try to place my focus back to God. read a daily devotional on Matthew. check mail for the online one on Exodus. read some verses to encourage and to remind myself of the good things. i'm glad i got through this. and i cannot even begin to imagine the same trauma i'll have to go through every half a year.

whoever said the As will be the worst exam experience of your life?

and you know what's my biggest grouse? i have very nice people around me who care and ask me how was the papers etc. i do appreciate their concern. but as i answer them, no matter what i say, whether it was ok, or it was real bad...they always go...so does that mean you'll get 3 As? argghhhh....i could scream. for goodness' sake i'm not that good. i'm not brilliant. i'm not the type of student who gets consistent good grades all her life. yes. everyone wants to get As. we all work towards that academic goal. and for one A levels and one semestral exams at NTU, i'm so happened to do well. yes i took up a teaching award. but that does not mean i'd get As all the time. when i had a bad paper and i tell my friends it's bad, it's really because i think it's bad. i couldn't answer well and the answers didn't automatically flow to my head because i'm just not that familiar with what i'm supposed to be familiar with. so it basically stinks when it was bad and i have to prove my case but explaining or just emphasising, it's bad. as in BAD. bad.

ok i'm over-reacting....shall stop ranting. it may be the hormones. or the stress. my hair keeps falling...i'm worried...

anyway...many people to thank. seems like an academy award acceptance speech. God of course, Sam of course, carlene, andrea, edward, renchun, champ...the SBS girls and guys whom i rant to before and after each paper in the resource room...my mum, dad, aunt...

just now went to eat XO fish slice beehoon..(direct translation from chinese) at holland V! so yummy...but very very hot....ohman...the weather is just merciless. then went to wala wala's for drinks and music and just to talk and laugh our brains out. had a wonderful time with edward, carlene and champ. later renchun joined us with newest lala fiona, followed by andrea. too bad had to go back early.. =( but really..hadn't have so much fun and laughter in so long. thanks a lot guys. then went to wayne's for a blk 36 gathering. which with alcohol equals drunken disaster. haha..ok...my blk mates and the craziest bunch of friends i have to date. but left at 12 'cos i'm so tired from the paper and the laughing.

ok..but i still stayed up to chat on the phone and then to type this...tho i'm dead tired.

just had to rant about the good bad and ugly things in my life.

This girl posted at 1:58 AM