Saturday, May 21, 2005

finally starhub surfing speed back to normal.... quite frustrating when you're surfing on broadband and it's slow and you don't know why until you read straits times today.

facial was indeed relaxing and pampering. got my eyebrows plucked, blackheads removed, dead skin cells removed. had nice tea, massage of head shoulders neck and arms. got smooth skin!

i've been spending way too much money. time to be a hermit and stay home.

i keep reminding myself to be gracious. to be mindful of God always. and to do what He pleases. it's difficult. very.

today has been really strange. my mood is swinging quite drastically. and i have no clue what is the cause of it. in church i was happy, and listening carefully to pastor as he talked about the danger of being foolish. and of course laughing at student pastors kenneth and christopher at their attempts to re-enact darth vader and darth maul respectively. during choir we learnt a really really nice new song... polished the song Grace. was generally a happy girl....

then my mood took a drastic turn. i have no idea why i was so easily irritated. normally my threshold is higher than this. somehow something lowered that threshold until things that were light-hearted/harmless/joking turned into a nightmare irritation fest. which led to a horrid drive back home.

attempt to find out why threshold is lowered. sam's leaving. some not-exactly-called-problems things. horrid exam results. planning programme for boys hostel camp. crappy exam results. sam leaving.

so when does a joke in which its original intention was to make you laugh, elicits irritation in you? how do you know when to stop the crapping around?

sometimes i wished i had autism. then i'd have an excuse to not interpret the facial and verbal clues to find out what the person is feeling. irritation or happiness.

why can't i exert a greater control over my emotions? but then again, by doing so, i'm faking being happy. i'm faking it - pretending that i'm not annoyed or irritated. so now the question becomes - which is better? to be yourself and be annoyed and ruin an eveing? or to fake it and have an 'enjoyable' evening?

This girl posted at 11:44 PM