Tuesday, August 01, 2006

what's up with turning 21?

(in case this post is horridly incoherent, i'm just thinking aloud and typing the thoughts in my head, trying to string them together so its as coherent as it can get.)

tis the season for birthdays.

2006 is the year for 1985 babies to celebrate their 21st birthdays. i just turned 21 myself. and i don't feel any different between the 22nd-july me and the 1st-aug me.

maybe except i have aged 10 days since 22nd july. 2 pimples have popped out on my chin. feel quite challenged with pastor mark's message during today's prayer meeting. i love huskies.

i digress: i accidentally let slip that i have watched a R21 film already before i cut my 21st birthday cake. but i don't think anyone actually heard, or cared. which is good. fyi it was brokeback mountain.

anyway back to what i was thinking aloud about. turning 21 for me became just like any other birthday. it wasn't a big deal. i spent my actual birthday day at home. lazing in front of the tv, doing my most favourite thing on my favourite spot on the couch watching my favourite shows. ok also recovering from a hectic day before that. and the vodka that my evil cousins practically forced down my throat.

i used to think very highly of birthdays. i looked forward to the presents i'll get and the yummy dinner that i'll get to eat. but as i grew older all those material things started to fade away. i still appreciate the thoughtful presents that my friends gave me for my 21st. but birthdays are just a sign that the earth has circled the sun once more. and it has circled 21 times around the sun since i breathed my first here on earth. it was no longer about birthday cakes and trying to smash it onto the birthday boy/girl's face. it is about the day that God has made me and that was the day i lived my first day on earth. it is a day that i thank God for His exceedingly abundant grace and mercy. ehh but i do that almost everyday.

so my ideals about birthdays have changed. and i shall attribute part of that shift to sam. who has long disliked his own birthdays and birthday celebrations.

one thing i like very much about birthdays is that it is another excuse to meet up with friends and catch up on our lives that have taken diverging paths. when we become so caught up with our lives we cease to make time for our friends whom we used to see everyday in school. now in university we have other friends we see everyday in school. so i always look forward to birthday gatherings (the 19th/20th birthdays too, not just 21st)

going along with the theme of growing older, 2 friends have commented on 2 separate occasions that my face has shown growth and maturity. one saw me for the first time since march and said that i look more mature. the other was looking at my driving license photo taken 2 years ago and also said i look more mature now compared to last time.

as i reflect on that thought i think i'd rather have that than not becoming more mature. more mature or growing old etc. doesn't matter. more importantly, it's nice to have grown in something, rather than stay stagnant at one spot. water that is stagnant breeds mosquitoes. insert NEA propaganda on the 10 min mozzie wipeout!

anyway as i was saying, just like how our faith should always be growing and should never ever stay stagnant at one level. our ideals and thinking and perception and thoughts and love for God and reverence for Him and His word should all be growing! be best if it was growing exponentially. ok i can't say for certain that my faith and my thinking and everything else is growing exponentially, but it's growing. hey that's an achievement.

i look back on my life and see the road that i've taken. you know how you arrived at crossroads and you chose one path to take and you can trace out your route. then you see how much you have grown since then. how different you have become as a result of all those trials and hardship and experimentation and joy. we are all changing. all the time. it's scary as you try to look forward into the future. more trials and suffering and breakups and tears.

but that's life. life with all its drama. wouldn't it be so boring that everything was so smooth sailing and ordinary?

that, and the fact that God has control over all things. and that He has a plan for all of us. the verse at the top left hand corner of my blog speaks all and always comforts me. No eyes have seen, nor any ears have heard! the wonderful plans that God has for His children, those who love Him. it's amazing to have that assurance. on sat's ypg pastor spoke about POTENTIAL. that God has placed this potential in all of us to succeed. an assurance that we can get through anything that is in our way. i'm so glad for that message because i have finally come to terms with the fact that i have 6 core modules next semester. it's difficult but i know i've got the potential to do it. and also because i know He's there for me, more reliable than anyone and anything i know.

=)

This girl posted at 12:37 AM